Now my initial baptism of course was when I was an infant, so no recollection there. Although I do remember seeing a picture my mom had of me in a little white dress being held by my Aunt and Uncle. I never quite understood why everyone, including all the boys in our extended family, had to wear that little white dress, but, the fact that I couldn't remember a bit of it, did bring me some comfort.
Next was confession, I just remember thinking how cool it was that I actually got to go inside that box I walked past every Sunday wondering what it was there for, and how cool the thing looked with all those secret compartments in it! When I first went in, I did just what I was told to do, go in, draw the curtain and kneel. As I was kneeling there, I can remember looking around and seeing a small bench/seat to my left and this metal mesh with tiny holes in front of me, but behind the mesh wasn't the compartment next to it, as I thought I should see, it looked like just the wall. I moved in closer to get a better look at it when 'zip', the piece of wall behind the mesh slides quickly to one side and I jumped back. Oh man I thought, what did I just do, then I hear a familiar voice say to me "what are your sins my son". Oh, I get it now, I thought to myself, the priest opened that, and is in there, somewhere, I can't see him but, boy, I can feel him breathing! So I confessed all of my sins that I could think of, I think I even made a couple up just because I wanted him to be sure that I was really confessing! He laid out my contrition, and I was nervous about this part, but when he said "say three our Fathers, two hail Mary's and be nice to your sister" I thought "wow, piece of cake! I know the words to those prayers already, and my sister is kinda fun, so this is nothing! Boy was I relieved! I did not know this at the time, but I had just completed another step towards getting to know who God is, and also toward securing my salvation, but really, I just thought I was doing what I was told to do, and I was good with that.
Next was first communion. This is where you get to wear a suit, have a cake shaped like a cross and get cards from your relatives with money in them! Well most of the cards anyway. Honestly, I do not recall any mention, or my having the understanding, that the Eucharist wafer actually turns into the REAL flesh of Jesus, and the wine, his REAL blood. Perhaps this is too much for a child this age to truly understand, so this exact teaching of the church is saved for a later time? I never did catch that teaching at a later time either, oh I'm sure it was mentioned or taught, but I think I might have had my mind on when this religion class would end, so I could go outside to play! To me, from day one, I always thought they were saying that as a figure of speech, you know, like Christ did in the Bible, symbolic. That made sense to me. I guess one has to be 'grown up' to believe that Christ meant that literally.
Which now brings us to confirmation. For some reason I cannot remember much of my confirmation, and for the life of me, I do not know why (?). All I remember is I was pledging to remain a catholic and promising to practice all I have been taught. I do not recall having the understanding that when you kneel up front, and the priest goes by with the Bishop, and at the very moment the Bishop touches you he imparts to you the Holy Spirit, and now you are a Spirit filled believer. This is what the catholics claim to be the baptism of the Holy Ghost. If I had known this to be a literal event, I would have said, excuse me sir, but when you touched me, I didn't feel anything but your touch. Shouldn't I at least feel the Spirit move me? I don't know maybe a warm feeling, or sudden wisdom of thought? Something? I do not recall a thing, and quite frankly, by this time, the sacraments of the church were getting a bit tiresome. I and all my good catholic friends were teenagers, with raging hormones, and girls were now cute. Okay, whatever you say, go ahead and touch me with your staff or whatever (don't remember exactly what our Bishop did) just get this over with because I need to go out there and find me a nice confirmed catholic girlfriend now!
If you are reading this, and you are, or were, a catholic, than most of you know exactly what I am talking about. Most of us grow up in this faith and never REALLY understood what it was that we were being taught. I was a darn good catholic boy. I served on the alter. I rang the bells, and poured the cup of wine and added the 'drop' of water. I stood there faithfully and held that 950lb book that the priest read from after he ate God, and I put the tray under every one's chin, so that no crumb of our Lord would fall to the rug below, but instead, would land safely on Mr. Farley's quite large tongue. I'll never forget that tongue, it still scares me to think about it to this day! Of course, I did not know that was why I had to hold that tray, I just thought they had only enough wafers for the catholic town folk and we didn't want one to fall to the floor because someone might have to go without. Or maybe it was to keep the potential drool from falling to the floor in case Mr. Farley didn't swallow back his saliva when that huge appendage came shooting out of his mouth after saying AMEN! Either way, I never asked, nor did I ever question.
The Lord was after me for many years, and finally at the age of 29 I had had enough! I commanded that the Lord tell me what I should do, and I will do it! (as I thought I was saved, and all set, and catholic, and good and all that). That following Friday I committed my life to him, and since 1994, I have experienced Him, His truth, His Word and of course His salvation. I experienced the true baptism, that I willing partook of, I was filled with the Holy Ghost while I was praying to God one night, alone in bed, and let me tell you, you know somethings going on when the Holy Spirit enters you! Wow, I had no idea what was happening because I was saved only a month or so, and Catholicism never taught the truth about the Holy Ghost, and how He truly works in us. Believe me what happened was real, but not unusual or weird to me, it was right, I never felt so right before! Our God is truly an awesome God, and He loves us and wants to give us His best. But He will never force His will on us, we MUST choose him when He calls.
Has God been, or is He now calling you? Be blessed in that if He is, because His Word tells us that no man can come to Him, lest they are called BY Him. So, if God is tugging at you (you know what I mean when I say that, because I knew, but tried to fight Him) it means He sees in you what He wants with HIM! But, you MUST choose Him, don't worry about the details. Yes, things will change, and some things drastically, but life on the side of Christ (in true knowledge of Him), not only is better life, but is incredibly better afterlife! (Hell is real, torturous, and not where any man wants to be, but sadly most choose to go there!) Choose HEAVEN, but choose the right path to get there, because; "wide is the gate and broad the path that leads to destruction, but narrow the gate and difficult is the way that leads to life, and few there be that find it."
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